What is Martyr Complex?
Understanding Martyr Complex, and how it stems from childhood experiences that are neglect or physical or emotional abuse by parents leading to fear of abandonment. How childhood experiences are reflected in adult life through the martyr complex. What are the characteristics of the martyr complex like self sacrifice, lack of boundaries, etc. How to overcome or tackle martyr complex by setting boundaries, stating your needs, practising self care and seeking therapy for better guidance.
“ With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day. ”
Excerpt from Nelson Mandela’s famous speech I have a dream
What is a Martyr Complex?
In simple words Martyr means to self sacrifice either their life or do a deed of great value at their own expense for a greater cause or principle ( Britannica, 2024). People with a martyr complex tend to feel victimised by others’ demands as they sacrifice their needs for others, also feeling helpless and powerless. Martyr complex is related to feelings like shame, guilt and worthlessness and also related to psychological concepts such as victimisation, people pleasing behaviour,etc.
- Victimisation
People who victimise themself tend to blame others or anything except themselves if things happen to be at fault. They would constantly complain about the bad things and situations in their life but never take responsibility or accountability for it, they tend to say they have no control over their surroundings and life, and rely on others for their self worth.
Having a victim mentality does not equate to martyr complex, they are two different things. People with a martyr complex do rely on others but victimise themselves over others demands, and take on more things to do for others even if they don’t wish to and sacrifice themselves for others and later resent themself for it ( Bhandari, 2024)
2. People pleasing
Individuals with people pleasing behaviours, tend to self-sacrifice, maintain conformity to keep their relationships intact and maintain proximity, and are related to anxious attachment where people have a fear of abandonment ( Li, 2022). In order to feel valued in their relationship they self-sacrifice, but the emotions of being doesn’t last longer and they repeat the behaviour. This is only a personality trait which is used to describe an ample of behaviours and diagnosis like codependency.
- Characteristics of Martyr Complex
All these traits take place collectively present in a person’s way of living, to be seen as a martyr complex.
- Self sacrificing behaviour
- Lacking boundaries
- Lacking self care
- Lacking balance in life
- Minimising accomplishments
- Feeling distressed, defeated and hopeless
- Helping others who don’t show appreciation
( Bhandari, 2024 & Martin, 2021 )
Through history, in different contexts of religion, politics, suicidal bombing, social service providers there has been an undertone of martyr complex, where individuals are willing to self- sacrifice even their life for the principle or their beliefs, a greater cause. For example, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, the death of Greek philosopher Socrates, in contemporary examples are that of Martin Luther King, Japanese Kamikaze during world war II, Suicide terrorism and political or religious cause advancement are similar in that they both aim to further a cause. However, they differ from one another because of the methods used to achieve the objective.(Belanger, Caouette, Sharvit, & Dugas, (2014),
How Martyr Complex develops
In an article by Allen, 2023 they explained the complex stems from childhood experiences, where they were neglected, abandoned, physically or emotionally abused, having absent parents, emotional boundaries violated can lead one to develop people pleasing behaviour or self sacrificing, lacking boundaries etc., which suggests the person has a martyr complex.
For example, — in the American show “Shameless”, the character of Fiona Gallagher exhibits some traits of martyr complex. Her father Frank Gallagher was a manipulative alcoholic con man, and her mother Monica Gallagher was an addict and had bipolar disorder, she is the eldest daughter and has five younger siblings. Given both their parents neglected them, and were not truly present, Fiona took the role of a parent not just for her siblings but also took care of her parents. In Season 2, Fiona enrols in GED classes and makes an effort to improve her employment prospects now that Monica, her mother, has returned and is looking after her younger siblings. But as Monica’s mental state progressively deteriorates, Fiona leaves once more in order to pick up her hustle and support the family. So, overall she showcased self sacrificing behaviour, lacked boundaries, felt distressed, and helped others who didn’t show appreciation back to her efforts. ( Weber & Hunt, 2020)
How to overcome Martyr Complex
Martyr complex roots from childhood, and gets embedded into one’s lifestyle, how they interact with their relationships, and in order to overcome it, it is important to acknowledge what you have been doing, that is your self sacrificing behaviour and the feelings of resentment or self righteousness because of it. Following are some measures one can take to overcome their martyr complex.
Learn to say no, establish boundaries and clearly and politely state what works for you and what does not. You might be worried that you’ll be abandoned or fear rejection when you begin to voice your demands. Thus, begin with a modest suggestion or adjustment. Perhaps let your partner know that you need an hour of alone time this weekend, or inform your coworker that you can’t cover for him while he’s on vacation.
- Vocalise your needs
if you’re not receiving it in your relationships. Individuals are unable to understand your thoughts or interpret your passive-aggressive remarks, so you must tell them clearly and politely.You’re attempting to break a habit that has been there for a while, and it takes practice to recognize your feelings and desires. Take your time and work on it. Therapy and journaling are great venues for practice.
practices that can help individuals with martyr complex can be through journaling, support group, physical exercise, being in an environment where you aren’t required to help and enjoy the time with others.
Conclusion
To conclude, the martyr complex is a self-sacrificing behaviour over the needs of one’s own, and the causes of this complex is not exact; however, it has been studied that it stems from the childhood experiences of neglect, fear of abandonment and absent parents, etc. and it relates to victim mentality, people pleasing behaviours. This complex can lead people to feel resentful after their actions, and an imbalance in their life, not allowing the live in a peaceful manner.
Overcoming the martyr complex alone can be challenging, so seeking help from trusted family or friends can be helpful as they can act as a cushion to fall back on. Seeking mental health professionals can help to identify patterns, navigate through your emotions, and can offer guidance through your journey.
References
Allen, N., & Ajjan, C. (2023, March 25). 4 Signs You May Have A Martyr Complex & How To Heal | mindbodygreen. MindBodyGreen. Retrieved March 21, 2024, from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/martyr-complex
Belanger, J. J., Caouette, J., Sharvit, K., & Dugas, M. (2014, April 8). The Psychology of Martyrdom: Making the Ultimate Sacrifice in the Name of a Cause. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,, 107(3), 494–515. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036855
Bhandari, S. (n.d.). Martyr Complex: Causes, Signs, and More. WebMD. Retrieved March 20, 2024, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-martyr-complex
Brennan, D. (2022, February 3). Victim Mentality: Causes, Symptoms, and More. WebMD. Retrieved March 20, 2024, from https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-a-victim-mentality
King, D. M. L. (2012). I Have a Dream. Random House Children’s Books.
Li, X. (2022, September 22). How Attachment Theory Can Explain People-Pleasing Behaviors. Exploration Journal. Retrieved March 20, 2024, from https://exploratiojournal.com/how-attachment-theory-can-explain-people-pleasing-behaviors%EF%BF%BC/
Martin, S. (2021, October 6). Overcoming a Martyr Complex. Psychology Today. Retrieved March 21, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202110/overcoming-martyr-complex
Martyr | Definition, Examples, Religions, & Facts. (2024, March 7). Britannica. Retrieved March 20, 2024, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/martyr
Wade, D. (2022, May 27). People pleaser: Definition, signs, risks, and how to stop. Medical News Today. Retrieved March 20, 2024, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/people-pleaser
Weber, J. B., & Hunt, P. M. (Eds.). (2020). Shameless Sociology: Critical Perspectives on a Popular Television Series. Cambridge Scholars Publishing.
Writer’s Social
Danielle Wade https://www.linkedin.com/in/dwadelcsw?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=android_app
Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW
Dr. Smita Bhandari, M.D.
Dr. Nafeesah Allen
