How to Recognize Abuse and Abuser Behaviour
Understanding how childhood trauma leads to abuser behaviour as adults, a form of defence mechanism. Find how abuse manifests to keep the cycle going. Tackling abuse by learning about the different types of abuse and tactics used by abusers like, physical abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulating etc. Find the different approaches by which one becomes an abuser, social learning theory, attachment theory, and psychoanalytic theory. Abusers were once victims. Learn about different therapies and clinical processes to help the victim and the abuser, like cognitive behavioural therapy, cognitive processing therapy, Dialectical behavioural therapy etc.
Table of Content
- How are Abusers made?
- Abuser Behaviors
- Perspective on the abused and the abuser
- Interventions
- Conclusion
- References
Introduction
The American Psychological Association defines Abuse “as interactions in which one person behaves in a cruel, violent, demeaning, or invasive manner, towards another person or an animal. The term most commonly implies physical mistreatment but also encompasses sexual and psychological ( emotional ) mistreatment.” According to UN Women, 6% of women globally report that they have been sexually violated by someone other than their partner, fifteen million teenage girls have experienced forced sex between 15 to 19 years old and this alone is only one form of abuse. If the abuse rate and neglect of society over the abuser and overlooking the victims continues, it will only increase the number of abusers day by day, the cycle will only continue unless interventions are brought in.
1. How are abusers made?
The main cause of someone becoming an abuser is embedded in trauma, most abusers have a childhood history of abuse. One’s childhood highly influences the life, personality, and other domains of development of the child as an adult, it shapes and becomes the foundation of the person’s life. Having a history of childhood abuse leads to the Child becoming a product of traumatic experience and a milieu of power and control exerted by someone who had succeeded in neutralizing the caring function in the family leading to the exploitation or abuse of the child. This emotional trauma is a complex power structure and not every child with an abuse history manifests it into action. Those who internalize and manifest the actions of abuse do so to shield their ego from unreasonable emotions and suppress their vulnerable inner child. While others may keep it in, leading it to become self-destructive in nature. ( Woods, 2016)
The people with a history of abuse may manifest it in the following ways:
- Shame
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Fear of abandonment
- Poor Self- Image
- Anger
The abuse can further transform into a cyclist syndrome, that is when the abused becomes the abuser and finds a new victim to transfer the residual emotions from their first interaction also known as excitation theory by Zillman. In this manner, it forms a vicious cycle not allowing the trauma to heal( Petric, 2022). The core motivation of abusers is usually to gain power and control over their victim, in my opinion, they do so to suppress the feeling of shame, fear, and low self-esteem which manifested due to their childhood trauma. Patriarchy’s belief system doesn’t help the men in this case, because it has its own ideology of a masculine man, how a man is supposed to be, which is toxic for them, leading the men to neglect their unhealed inner child, to fit into the stereotype of men by society, and further pushing the cycle.
2. Abuser Behaviors
There are different types of abuse and are categorized into major types such as :
- Physical abuse — it is a collection of behaviour like physical harm, seeking control, and anxiety-provoking behaviour done by someone close to the victim. The most common forms of physical abuse are domestic violence, bullying, mobbing etc. Even though the behavior is harmful there might not be any intent for it. ( Petric, 2022)
- Sexual abuse — it is an unconsensual sexual activity forced by the abuser who is threatening the victim to take advantage of them. it can happen in different forms like, indecent exposure, fondling, and forced sexual intercourse.
- Psychological abuse — the abuser has intentions of putting the victim in emotional distress by communicating to them that they have no value or something is wrong with them, also called emotional abuse, Such acts include gaslighting, defamation, manipulation etc.
(Randell, Abo Hamza & et.al., 2021)
In the relationship between the abused and the abuser, there a power and control dynamics, which come from the understanding of the Power and Control Wheel (Pence and Paymer, 1993) which states it to be a model used by both victims and abusers to understand abuse and its tactics. It is mostly used for intimate partner abuse (IPA), consisting of a series of behaviours or actions that an abuser utilizes to maintain power and control over their romantic partner. At the centre of the wheel are the main goals of the abuser for acquiring and sustaining control over the partner’s behaviours, cognitions and emotions. The power and control wheel has an outer ring having two sections: Physical abuse and Sexual abuse and further divided into eight Tactics or behaviors that are the below:
- Using Intimidation
- Emotional abuse
- Using isolation
- Minimizing, denying and blaming
- Using children
- Using male privilege
- Using economic abuse
- Using coercion and threats
Chavis and Hill, 2009 however criticize this paradigm as it overlooks the intersectionality and diversity aspect of abuse, and they provide a multicultural conceptualization of power and control. The outer ring consists of the same division that is physical and sexual abuse, the tactices however change. There are 7 tactics to understand abuse according to them :
- Racism/ethnocentrism
- Ageism
- Classism
- Sexism
- Ableism
- Religious/Spiritual oppression
- Heterosexism
The main goals of the multicultural Power and Control wheel are to :
- Illustrate how experiences are shaped by the intersection of several identities, such as gender, race, socioeconomic class, religion, sexual orientation, disability, and age.
- Emphasize the countless ways that oppressed identities and the systems that oppress them could subvert the methods of power and control. ( Chavis & Hill, 2009)
3. Perspectives on The Abused and The Abuser
The relation between the abused and the abuser isn’t something that exists in a void, there are social situations, and contexts which give rise to it, and there are theories, concepts and approaches which try to understand the emergence of this dynamic. Though abused and abuser relationships are considered immoral, they arise from today’s society. Below are a few approaches which try to understand the reason for this dynamic.
- Social Learning Theory — This theory is given by Bandura, which states that learning takes place through Modeling, imitation, and other social interactions play a major role. More precisely, it is believed that external stimulation events like the influence of other people and external reinforcement like praise, criticism, and reward shape and control behaviour. So in a cyclist syndrome, social interaction with an abuser and imitation of them by the abused enables one to learn to be an abuser.
- Psychoanalytic theory — this is a theory by Sigmund Freud also known as the Freudian approach. Since mental processes are unconscious, to understand individuals deciphering the unconscious mind that underlies their appearance becomes necessary. It focuses mostly on how unconscious factors like repressed urges, internal tensions, and childhood trauma affect a person’s mental health and ability to change. Pillars of Classical Psychoanalysis
- The idea of infantile sexuality,
- The Oedipus complex, the theory of instincts or drives,
- The pleasure principle and the reality principle,
- The threefold structure of the psyche into the id, ego, and superego, and
- The central role of anxiety and defense mechanisms in neurotic reactions
A child’s trauma in early childhood or even adolescence would lead to the use of defence mechanisms to suppress their inner child and their ego.
- Attachment theory — the distinctive manner in which individuals interact with one another in close relationships, which is greatly impacted by interpersonal trust and self-worth. Theoretically, an adult’s level of attachment security is directly correlated with how successfully they linked with others during their childhood. Mary D. Salter Ainsworth and her colleagues were the first to describe attachment styles in connection to infant-mother relationships attachment styles are generally classified into four main categories:
- Dismissive attachment
- Fearful attachment
- Preoccupied attachment
- Secure attachment
Due to childhood trauma, the child as an adult is not able to establish good interpersonal skills and is either fearful or dismissive causing the adult to feel lonely, jealousy leading to anger issues.
- Feminist Approach — this approach strikingly believes that the abuser and abused relationship exists only because of patriarchy and by the use of male privilege as its ethos. Due to an uneven stance in society, men get to inherit hierarchical power and hence dominate and abuse their power and status and everyone they see as subordinate to them.
4. Intervention
There are a few interventions which can be done, to help not just the abused but also the abuser, to cope with their childhood trauma.
Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) — is a type of psychotherapy that combines cognitive and learning theories with treatment strategies from cognitive and behavioural therapy. CBT assumes that cognitive, emotional, and behavioural characteristics are functionally connected. Treatment aims to uncover and modify the client’s maladaptive thought processes and harmful behaviours using cognitive restructuring and behavioural strategies to accomplish the transformation. Also known as cognitive behaviour modification or cognitive behavioural treatment.
- Cognitive processing therapy ( CPT) — a type of cognitive behaviour therapy that was initially utilized with victims of rape or sexual trauma before being extended to people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder caused by any trauma. CPT emphasizes cognitive tactics to assist people in changing erroneous thinking that has arisen as a result of a traumatic event.
- Depression therapy — is a clinical disorder, affecting psychological moods, it can make one feel worthless and lose interest, and one can put effort into having routine self-care, and socialising and going to a therapist is helpful.
- Anger management therapy — men can feel angry because of underlying feelings such as loneliness, shame, guilt, and envy. Certain therapies that are helpful are CBT, family therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and Dialectical behavioural therapy.
Clinical processes during therapy should focus on the following for the abuser’s history, especially
(Aymer, 2008):
- types of abuse observed between their parents
- their perception of parental fights and arguments
- their emotional reactions to being exposed to parental abuse, and aggression
- the quality of parental attachment and relatedness
More other things one can do
- Advocating human rights
- High-quality legislative measures
5. Conclusion
To conclude, abusive behaviour is a way to control and have power over the victims, it arises from the traumatic experiences of abuse during childhood, which either manifests in the form of abuse or becomes a self-destructive habit. There are various types of abuse, namely physical abuse like domestic violence, bullying, sexual abuse like sexual assault, and psychological or emotional abuse like manipulation, and gaslighting. Abusers used to be a victim once, hence it becomes important to not neglect abuse behaviours, and engage, intervene and call out abusers and help those who are suffering due to abuse to stop the cycle of abuse. Abuse has neither any age limit nor any boundary limit nor does it differentiate between genders, hence it becomes even more important.
Project C Foundation is one such organization, providing an accessible, rapid, and secure platform where anyone experiencing mental health concerns can access their numerous services and receive immediate assistance. They also provide a safe space for people to communicate with one another and build community support, as well as educate the public, private, and educational institutions, societies, and communities about recognizing, understanding, and teaching coping mechanisms for various mental illnesses to reduce stigma surrounding mental health-related issues.
Visit their website — https://www.projectcfoundation.org/
Written by Shreya Kerketta
Edited by Virginia Helzainka
References
(n.d.). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved March 7, 2024, from https://dictionary.apa.org/
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Bogdanova, I. (2017, November 9). Men’s anger management: How Therapy can help. Project C Foundation. Retrieved March 7, 2024, from https://www.projectcfoundation.org/post/men-s-anger-management-how-therapy-can-help
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Facts and figures: Ending violence against women. (2023, September 21). UN Women. Retrieved March 7, 2024, from https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/facts-and-figures#83923
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Randell, M. L., Abo Hamza, E. G., Daghustani, W. H., Perveen, A., & Moustafa, A. A. (2021, April 14). The Impact of Different Types of Abuse on Depression. Depression Research and Treatment, 2021, 12. https://doi.org/10.1155/2021/6654503
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